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| The yellow plasma car |
Pepper chipped her remaining front tooth yesterday.
The weight of an entire dentist chair is now perched on my shoulders like a massive steal parrot.
It causes me to release hefty amounts of air in the form of a sigh every 20 minutes. I just dealt with this. Now? Again? Really?
Last night at the park, we stood in the parking lot getting ready
to leave. The sun was setting.
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| One tooth missing. One to go |
"
WEEEEEEEEEEEE!" I turned my head.
Beckam and Pepper were bombing a massive hill on the yellow plasma car.
I'd known since the day we got it, someone was going down on that thing.
I didn't think it would be both of them at the same time.
For one second it was cute to see them. Beckam at the wheel and Pepper wrapped around him.
Then it sunk in. There is no way they are going to be able to stop.
I sprinted in my stupid pink flip-flops which held me back. Maybe if it hadn't been for those flip-flops, I could have gotten in front of them.
I ran along side the car trying to pass it. Beckam's hands firmly on the wheel, he looked over at me then back to the wheel. He was realizing, as I had, that he was not in control. But he held that wheel tightly on course and I thought,
It's a good thing he's steering this thing and not Pepper.
Crazy how even in those moments of intense adrenaline, a clear thought can hang solid and straight as a pendulum. I realized in stopped time as I ran along side that car, the kind of a person Beckam is. He wasn't going to let go of that wheel or let it veer off course. The problem was though, he couldn't stop himself. They were only half-way down the hill.
I grabbed the wheel and tried to pull them to me, but the speed was too much and we all went flying, then skidding down the concrete.
In another stopped moment, I saw Pepper's face bounce off the ground and the look of shock in her eyes at the force of it. Beckam rolled into me and didn't hit as hard.
In the next frame, time went back to normal It took me a minute to catch up. My kids lay sprawled and bleeding, their cries floated into my stunned ears and pierced the shock bubble. I picked up the bloodiest one, Pepper. Her mouth was full of it, and I couldn't see the source. I cradled her in my lap and spoke quietly.
I told her:
It's going to be ok. You're safe now. We'll take care of you.
Her forehead was swelling in the spot where she hit. She kept telling me her tooth hurt. I was watching her eyes for signs of a concussion. My main concern was watching her head bounce off the ground. I know it takes a little time to know, but I was trying to know that she was ok. I was asking her eyes to tell me. All they said was:
I am scared and I am in pain.
The other adults came rushing in and picked up Beckam. I could hear by his cry that he was ok. He was mostly scared. At least one of them is sturdy.
My hands were shaking. Like sand in a rushing river, the guilt settled. If only I could have gotten my body in front of them more, maybe they would have crashed into me first. Had it been only one kid, I could have done it, but not two. Pepper was on the back. That's why she hit the hardest. I just couldn't run fast enough to pass them. They were about to get away from me. I had to make a move. Even though time had stopped, it didn't stop long enough.
I gave them a bath. I washed the blood from their heads. Beckam acted as if nothing had happened. Pepper wimpered like a puppy at the pound.
An hour later, she sat in the back seat cheerily retelling the story of her ordeal. I think she is going to be ok. But we have to go back to the dentist because the root of her tooth is exposed.
The guilt has yet to wash downstream. Usually I can let things unfold with my kids. I know I can't protect them from pain. But I almost did this time. Just not quite. I regret wearing those stupid flip-flops. I regret the 2 seconds before I sprinted towards them. The 2 seconds when I thought they were cute riding that plasma car together. That's all I needed was 2 seconds.
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| partners in crime |
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