I'm wearing my knee-high Doc Martin boots he gave me 5 years ago for Christmas.The world around us is rocking and booming and ending.
People are throbbing and sweating. We are in a bubble.
We create that, still. I don't have to go looking. I have found exactly what I was seeking.
I need only what is inside this bubble. He knows everything I can't say.
We don't find ourselves here as often. Life crowds us tightly.
"I always get a little nervous on New Year's Eve," he confesses.
But his eyes say otherwise. They have crinkles of joy at their corners and his grin is that of a Cheshire cat.
"Oh really?" I bend backwards at the waist where his hands are locked. "Yeah, you look very scared...."
Before our first New Year's together I told him,
'This is a very significant holiday. If we kiss at midnight and it falls flat, then it's a sign. If I look at you and dread the year ahead...well...that means maybe we probably won't make it.'
The poor man spent the whole day twisted up and afraid he would not pass the test.
But our kiss was luminous, and every year since then, the world stops for us on December 31st.
Sometimes I get scared this is too naive of me, too superstitious.
But I don't think so. I don't think it is silly that I want to be in love with my husband.
Because if my eyes are wide open, If I am really looking, then I cannot help but to see him.
What I see is more and more about what it takes to be the man he is, and I cannot help but adore that man.
So I suppose it is an exercise in awareness too, and honoring something sacred.
For reasons I cannot understand, I was graced with an immense love for another person.
Every year my resolution is the same:
Do not forget to honor what Grace has given you.
Do not get too busy to see him.
How do I do this? How do I stay awake? The answer has been the same since I was a hormonal little twirp with a journal in junior high...keep writing. That is it. The resolution. Do not forget. Keep writing.
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| just before we took the plunge... |
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