When I Was a Mermaid

When I was a mermaid
I was never cold
I laid on the hot cement until my fingers were fat grapes again.

When I was a mermaid
I lassoed my feet together with old jump ropes and sashes from church dresses
In my newly tied tail I curled all the way across Miriam's backyard pool
We shouted to each other, dialogue from our dreams, surrounded by thick green trees in another world

Everyone told me I would drown if I swam with my feet tied together.
I knew I wouldn't drown
My arms are strong and I can swim forever

When I was a mermaid
I opened my eyes under water and always won the swimming pool games
Marco Polo and Colors
I wasn't afraid of the chlorine
I let it burn my eyes and turn my hair green
Because somewhere I knew, childhood summer doesn't last forever.

When I was a mermaid
I never wore sunblock
I liked the deep burn on my shoulders and the invincible armor of tanned skin

When I was a mermaid
I was in harmony with the quiet under water
It matched the stillness in my belly right before I'd fall asleep
All of my muscles exhaling sighs of thanks for their exhaustion
I felt no obligation to fill this space nor leave it.

When I was a mermaid
I loved to eat cold, sweet watermelon

When I was a mermaid
I moved to Utah, to the desert, to the snow,
to an unfriendly climate for a mermaid.

When I was a mermaid in Utah
I shivered in my sweater
I stared, puzzled at a red plastic sled
I wanted to go home

Then I discovered Lake Powell in the desert
Fins splayed out from my feet
Sun sprinkled from my finger tips, and I swam
I vaulted from the water onto crimson sandstone
I came home to the hot ground

Now my children are mermaids
Beneath the water, I know, Pepper sees fairies.
As babies I threw them into the water before they could fear it.
I let them feel how she will hold you, how a body knows what to do.
Now my children are mermaids.

For this I will always get my hair wet
I will always wear a swimming suit to the pool

When I was a mermaid
I watched the brown walrus adults in their lawn chairs eating salty chips
They talked about boring stuff and their lips were blubbery

When I was a mermaid
I shouted to the adult walruses:
"WATCH MY TRICK!"

I cartwheeled off the diving board, toes pointed, into a perfect pencil
Hardly a splash...
I sunk all the way down to the bottom
I laid my belly against the grainy pool cement
That's where I learned to breath under water.

When I was a mermaid
I understood a lot of things my kids understand now
And we never bring towels to the pool
We lay on the baked ground
Our butts all in a row, a family of land fish

My Family of Mermaids 2014